After Saying Goodbye
by lizwrites
Summary: After she leaves, he doesn't know what to do. How is he supposed to deal with this, when he's never even felt this way before? The story of what happens after Sara moves away.
1. Chapter 1

A slightly elderly man smoothed his hand through his gray hair. He lay on his couch. Ever since she had left life had been the same. Wake up, want to stay in bed, eventually get up, drink coffee, go to work, pretend to listen to co-workers and friends, go back home, look through pictures trying not to cry, take an aspirin, set the alarm clock, go back to bed, and start all over again. He didn't think he'd ever feel this way about a woman- or anyone, for that matter. Before he had met her, he refused to open up his emotions. He refused to let them go wild. But she just had something in her that managed to pry open the gate that held his emotions tightly packed together. Now that she was gone, he knew feeling this way about her was a mistake. But then if it was such a mistake, why couldn't he stop thinking about her? Why couldn't he keep from dreaming about her? Why is it that she had made him feel what he hadn't felt about anyone before? Why was it that Sara made Gil Grissom, the man who kept his emotions locked away, fall in love? Grissom had solved so many puzzles before, but he was beginning to think that Sara was the only puzzle he would never figure out. In a way he liked that. But he didn't like that she was gone. Just when Sara made it noticeable that she loved Grissom. Just when they were about to get married. Just like that, she was gone. And ever since she had been gone, he tried desperately to be the man he had been before her. The man who could just shove his emotions away. But the truth was, he couldn't. Now he was beginning to understand why people couldn't stop crying. Why people had to scream sometimes. His emotions that he had been able to push away, were now building up inside him, and instead of pushing them away, which he wasn't strong enough to do, he was trying to hide them away.

Grissom was strong, but he was almost no match for the burdening weight of his emotions. Somehow he managed to push himself away from the cushions of the couch. He walked to the kitchen and made some coffee. Drinking his coffee, sitting on the wooden stool in his kitchen reminded him of Sara. Not because he had ever drank coffee with her in his kitchen or anything. Why? Because everything reminded him of Sara. And everything reminded him of what could have been. Sara could have been sitting on the empty wooden stool beside him, sipping her coffee and laughing along with him for no particular reason. Grissom imagined this. It was enough to bring tears to his eyes. Bringing tears to a man like Grissom's eyes took a lot of power. Sara had a lot of power. She was the definition of power. Well, at least to Grissom she was.

Grissom poured the last of his coffee down the sink, and forced the tears back into his eyes. He absolutely refused to cry. He hadn't cried much when he was a child, not even when he had broken his finger. So why was it so hard to stop now, as a grown man? He slid the metal key into the metal lock of his car door, and drove away. He could barely think about the road, yet he ended up at work before he could even process getting into the car. The route was just too familiar to him. That used to be a good thing. It was a fun job. Not only because Sara was there, although that was a big part of it, but because there wasn't the burden of Sara _not _being there.

His co-workers greeted him as he walked through the familiar hallways that led to his office. He muttered 'hellos' and 'good work on the projects', but he didn't really pay attention to what he was saying, as usual. His friends knew that Sara's loss had a heavy impact on him, but they didn't know how depressed he was over it. To them, Grissom was acting normal. But then, they weren't inside his head like he was.

Grissom's office was cramped, but he liked it that way. It was comfortable to him. He had everything from books to fish to skeletons of animals. It was his own personal lab. Catherine Willows, or Grissom's best friend, appeared in the doorway. Grissom felt strongly about Catherine, he knew that if anything had ever happened to her he would kill the person in charge of it, but that was exactly it. He felt strongly _about _her. He felt _for _Sara. To him there was a major difference. Catherine handed Grissom a stack of papers.

"Thanks Catherine. And what case were these for?"

Catherine gave her supervisor, and best friend, a strange look. "They aren't for any case, Gil, they're the papers you wanted printed for that science experiment they were doing on the news."

"Oh. Right. Thanks."

"You sure you're okay? You've been waiting for these papers since you first heard about the experiment."

"I'm fine, Catherine. Thank you."

Catherine gave her boss a weird look, but left. Grissom sighed. He wanted to tell Catherine, but that just wasn't his thing. He didn't express emotion. He wasn't about to start now, just because things had gotten a little difficult. Or a lot difficult. He sighed again.

Finally work was over, and Grissom made his way toward his car. He unlocked it, got in, and drove home. Once again, he didn't even comprehend the ride. Or the fact that he had driven all the way home. He didn't care, either. Normally it would worry a person when they couldn't even remember driving somewhere, but Grissom frankly didn't care at the moment. It was time for his usual routine. He walked to his bookshelf and pulled a shoe box off of the top shelf. Sitting on his old gray chair, he pulled the top off. The pictures lay there, no fresh dust or anything covered them. Since Sara had gone, this had become tradition. Grissom looked through all of the pictures fom when his life had been happy. The last, and most treasured, was a picture of Grissom hugging Sara. He was smiling, and she was laughing. She held tightly onto Grissom's shoulders and he had his hands wrapped around her back. Love. A strong word. A strong feeling. The best and worst feeling. It was so strong and powerful. If you treated it right, romance would blossom. If treated improperly, well, depression would strike. Especially for a man like Grissom, whom had dated, but not often. And certainly not often enough to feel for a woman like he had felt for Sara. Grissom replaced the cardboard top and slid the box back onto the top shelf of the bookshelf. He hadn't noticed the many tears that had slid down his cheeks. He usually could control his crying, but this time it was involuntary. He put a hand on his cheek. He remembered the last picture in the box, and he could almost feel Sara's gentle touch. Oh how he wished she was here. Grissom ate a small dinner. He threw some spaghetti in the microwave, and ate it. He took an aspirin for his migraines, and then he went to bed on his couch. He didn't like to sleep on his bed anymore, though he didn't know why.

_A tall, brown haired woman stared into Grissom's eyes. She pulled him into a kiss. She was showing him something, she had it in her hand, but he couldn't make out what it was. She kept pointing to letters on a small piece of laminated paper, but Grissom couldn't place what it was that she was holding._

Grissom awoke with a start. He remembered the dream. Something clicked, and he knew exactly what he needed to do. It was foolish of him to believe something so...well, something that was in a dream. However, he had to do it. He was almost sure that it wouldn't happen, but he had to do it just to convince himself. He must've been going crazy, but he had to. He lifted the lid to the cardboard shoe box, dug to the bottom and pulled out the picture. He turned it over and to his astonishment, what he had believed couldn't possibly be true, was true. There was black writing, but it had been blurred in the dream. This time it was clear. It was a ten digit phone number. Underneath it was a message in Sara's handwriting 'I will always love you, Grissom. I'll never stop waiting for your call.' She must've known that she would eventually leave. She was clever, Grissom had to hand it to her. If he had ever read it before she had left, he would've thought it was just casual, or if she decided not to leave, it would sound casual. But when she did leave, he'd know what it meant, even if he had discovered it after she had left. With a shaky hand, he picked up his phone and dialed the number. Could she possibly have kept this number? Was it true? Or did she turn it off after she left? There was only one way to find out...

**Author's Note: My first CSI fanfic, but I had to write it. Sara was my favorite character and I freakin' miss her!! Well next chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: First, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers. Thanks for your kind comments and support.:) Second, I can't think of any creative names for the titles of either of the chapters. So if you have any suggestions I'll look them over.:) And third...here's the second chapter!**

The brown haired woman jumped awake, after hearing a sharp ringing noise. Realizing it was only her phone, Sara flipped the phone open. She saw what she had been waiting for since she left. The name of the only contact on her phone flashed as the ringing proceeded. So you're probably wondering why she hadn't called her only contact. She was waiting for him to solve the puzzle. For him to figure it out that she had left a trace of herself. Finally she decided she had better answer it before her only contact hung up. She pressed the little green button but couldn't say anything. A tear slid down her cheek as she heard his voice from the other end of the phone.

"Sara?" His frantic voice begged.

"Grissom," Sara stated flatly.

"Where are you, Sara? Where have you been?"

Sara checked her watch and looked outside.

"Grissom, look, it was great to hear your voice. I have to go though. I'll talk to you later, I promise."

"Wait," Grissom called, but Sara had already hung up.

Grissom fell backwards and collapsed onto his couch. The fact that he had just heard Sara's voice was too overwhelming. He couldn't handle it. All the same, he went to work. Somehow, though in a daze, he managed to climb into his car and drive to the lab. He met Warrick in the hallway, but he just walked right by. Warrick was busy, however, and didn't seem to notice. Catherine waved to Grissom, but he walked past like he was in a trance. His blonde friend walked into his office and met him there. She waved a hand in front of his face.

"Everything okay?" She asked as Grissom snapped back to reality.

"No, not really," Grissom said. Just as fast as he had said that, he went back to work. Catherine still lingered over him, but he either didn't notice or really didn't care. Catherine took a seat across the desk from Grissom.

"Okay, what's wrong?"

Grissom couldn't even begin to unleash his emotions from the bottle he held them captive in. He slammed his papers down on his desk an stood up. He felt guilty for treating Catherine like she was no one, but he couldn't tell her.

"Catherine, I'm taking the day off. Tell Nick and Warrick to cover my case, I need some rest."

Catherine was alarmed. Grissom never took the day off. People had to convince him to get some rest. Though she feared for her friend, she did as she was told. She didn't want to upset him further, and maybe some rest would help him.

Grissom went home and flopped over onto his couch. Sleep had never felt so good. But of course it wouldn't feel as great as life with Sara. Sara. Sara. The name sounded so good to Grissom. Suddenly, his eyes were jolted open as he heard a loud bang from the other room, followed by "Damn it!" Grissom jumped up, ready to fight, but what he saw was a dream. He pinched his arm, but he wasn't dreaming. Could it possibly be true? The figure in the hallway stared back at him.

"Grissom...I...I didn't expect you to be here."

**Author's Note: Dun dun dunnnn...lol bet you all know who it is :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Sorry it took awhile to update. Enjoy!**

Grissom stared wide-eyed at the figure that stood before him. Just moments ago a voice had escaped from the figure's tender lips.

"Sara?"

Sara moved toward Grissom. She grabbed his hands with her soft hands and took a step closer to him. Grissom wanted to let go, to ask her why she had left, though he had read her goodbye letter over and over just to see her hand writing. He wanted to ask her so many questions, but at the same time he knew he had to take in this moment. For it could be the last. Sara stepped closer and closer until her forehead was just under Grissom's nose.

"I love you," she whispered softly.

"Then why'd you leave?"

Grissom realized what had slipped out of his mouth just after he had said it. To his amazement, though, Sara only let go with one hand. She walked forward, one hand still held tightly onto Grissom's. When they were at the couch, they sat down.

"Gil, I left because the pain of my mother's death and working in the lab were too much for me to handle." Grissom didn't add that he already knew this, but instead just nodded. He was a powerful man, but Sara was his weakness. "As soon as I moved, I realized that running away from it wouldn't help. But Gil, I don't know if I should stay. What would people think if I just showed up back at work?"

Grissom found some of his strength. At least enough to speak honestly.

"Since when do you care what everyone else thinks of you?"

Sara swallowed hard and shook her head. "You don't understand."

"I'm afraid I don't.."

Sara got up and bent over. She hugged Grissom and walked out of the room. Grissom was stunned. He would have been able to run after her, to catch her and bring her back. But any of the energy he had drained out of him the moment she had gotten up. And she must have known he would not be able to go after her. Grissom lay down on his couch and tried to fall asleep. His efforts were fatal. All he could think about was Sara. All he would dream about had he actually fallen asleep was Sara. How had he ever gotten along without her? It was funny to him how something he once lived happily without was now the greatest thing on his mind. Then it hit him. It was the feeling of loss. The loss of something so great to him. That wasn't Sara, but it was the love, happy love, that they had once shared.

* * *

Sara held her hand up to hail a taxi. The only thoughts running through her mind were about Grissom. Could he still really love her after she had left him? Twice? Sara sighed. The cab driver headed straight down the middle lane. She stopped him. 

"No, uh, here's fine."

Sara got out as the car pulled into a tiny curvy road. She walked around the back of a tall building. She pulled out a card, swiped it, and walked inside the back entrance. The sign read 'employees only'. The moment she saw the sign, she knew she may regret this. But truthfully, only one thing mattered to her right now, and she didn't care about the sign or anything else.

**Author's Note: Somewhat of a short chapter, sorry. Next one will be up soon. Review please!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Sorry about the short last chapter. It had to be short haha. Remember, I still need help with the names for all of the chapters, so if you have any suggestions, I'm listening! But make sure to tell me which chapter it's for, or I won't be able to use it, even if it's good. Well anyway, enough talking, here's what you've all been waiting for. Chapter four...**

After Grissom's brown haired angel had left, he found himself in the kitchen making dinner. In the pot he was stirring without really paying attention, there was boiling beef stew. He looked at it. Realizing he wasn't even hungry, he grabbed the handle of the pot and took it over to the sink. He dumped the boiling liquid down the drain. He realized that it was the same thing with the boiling love he and Sara had once shared, that had been dumped down the drain just like the beef stew. Grissom sighed. He was making dinner, and even that couldn't take his mind off of Sara. He walked back to the stove and turned the little black dial to off. A red light blinked off. Grissom thought it looked just like his heart, but smaller. It had been bright red with love, but now was dark with depression. He walked to his living room and saw his television. Big, wide, flat screened, it stood there longing for some attention. It's once desired screen was covered in a thick coat of heavy dust. Grissom ran a finger through the dust, making a random line in the middle of the television. What was he doing? His life, like the beef stew, had gone right down the drain.

He walked over to his couch of depression and sat down. How could one simple word have such a complicated effect on his life? Goodbye. That's the only word that had done this to him. Yet, it seemed like much much more than just a simple word. Goodbye could be used in more than one way. It could mean goodbye as in "see you later" or goodbye as in "goodbye forever". This was the only time saying goodbye had really affected Grissom. This was partly because the only times he really ever had to say goodbye were times when he would see the person he was speaking with later. This, however, was different. And much, much more painful.

Deciding he should probably get some rest before tomorrow. He couldn't not go to work every time he was down, so he may as well just suck it up and go. That was a problem, though. Not the going to work part, but the sucking it up. He had told many people to suck it up, or deal with it, but he realized now that it was hard. He had told many people that work was work, and not to let emotions get in the way. Well, now that was tough too.

_There was a dark room surrounding him. The carpeting was red. Grissom looked up and saw a door. He walked to it and tried to open it. It was locked. He used all of his force but could not open it. Thinking the wooden door would be easy to break down, he stepped back. He rammed into the door. A few particles of dust fell to the floor, but aside from that, nothing happened. The door was firmly in place. Grissom sighed. He turned around. Noticing a window in the door, he stepped up to it and looked through. He could see nothing but brightness. Everything was happy and yellow. He turned around, the light hurting his eyes. His room was almost pitch dark, the light from the other room was the only thing that lit it up. He would not give up. Curiosity took the better of him, and he wanted to find out what that room was. He rammed his shoulder over and over against the solid door. After failing miserably again and again, he decided on the window. He slammed his fist as hard as he possibly could against the cold glass, but it didn't shatter. Not a crack was left on the window. Grissom's hand hurt, but he still refused to give up. He was in the middle of trying to open the window when the door opened. He toppled over as a figure walked into the room. The figure held a hand out to Grissom. He accepted. The figure's hands were surprsingly soft. The door was closed now, and there he was alone with this figure. Grissom explained that the door was shut, and they were stuck. But the figure just laughed and opened the door, allowing him into the bright room of happiness. As the figure stepped into place beside him, Grissom got a closer look. The dark hair of the figure hung down to her shoulders. Her. That would explain the soft hands. Grissom gasped, drinking in the looks of this now familiar figure. It was none other than Sara Sidle. _

Grissom awoke, upset. He had been so engrossed in his dream and did not want to wake up. Checking the clock, he realized it was almost time to get up and get ready for another long day at work. He remembered, as he was getting up, how he had always loved work. Lately it had been a drag. For one, Sara wasn't there. And second, since Sara was gone, he was too down and depressed to pay much attention to his job, which he loved. Grissom directed as much attention as he could to slipping on his dress pants.

In the driveway, Grissom unlocked his car and got in. He sighed, preparing for the long day ahead of him. In the parking lot of the crime lab, Grissom breathed in deeply. He locked his car doors with a mechanical remote and walked through the cool, brisk air around the back of the building. He entered through the employee door after swiping his card. Grissom headed toward his office after saying a brief hello to Catherine. The black chair behind his desk was turned around. Grissom thought this was odd. His brow went up awkwardly. Just as he was about to shrug it off and sit down, the chair turned around. Grissom's heart melted.

**Author's Note: Review Please:)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Sorry, the previous chapter's author's note said something about the last chapter being short...I meant previous. To clear things up, it wasn't the last chapter, lol. And neither is this. But enjoy this one::**

Sara sat in the chair smiling.

"Sara? I thought you left?"

"I did. But I decided to come back."

Grissom smiled. "Forever?"

"Forever."

Sara smiled and so did Grissom. Sara got up and they walked towards each other. Grissom held Sara tightly but gently around the waist. Sara reached up, her hands on Grissom's shoulders. A moment later, Sara knew she had made the right decision in staying.

"Looks like it wasn't just rest you needed," a joking voice said. Grissom smiled at his best friend. Catherine walked back down the hall smiling.

Sara stared into Grissom's eyes. Grissom stared back into her deep brown eyes. They were wrapped warmly in each other's arms. Within moments they were involved in a loving kiss.

Later on, Grissom took Sara in to examine bees with him again. They were laughing and having a great time when Grissom suddenly stopped Sara.

He hesitated. What if it didn't work? It did last time, but that was before...

"Sara, we should get married."

Sara smiled. "You're so improper," she teased. "But I love you that way."

"Is that a yes?"

"No," Sara began, "But this is."

She grabbed Grissom's face and cupped them in her hands. She kissed him passionately. Grissom's depression faded instantly. Before he wasn't able to sleep because he was down and depressed. Now he wouldn't be able to because he was too much in love. How had he ever turned Sara down a few years ago? He didn't care anymore, right now, he was too busy kissing her."

**Author's Note: Ohhh you know you've all been waiting forever for this. But it's not the last chapter! Review:)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Wow thanks so much for all of the reviews and support! Well, here it is:**

It was an icy day. Snow fell silently and elegantly through the air and came to rest on a soft bed of white. A red carpet stood out from the soft white snow. Just before the long red carpet was a crystal bench. There Gil Grissom sat, awaiting the arrival of his soon-to-be wife. And there she was. A beautiful Sara emerged through a solid white gate. With her hair covered with an ice colored veil, her eyes tinted silver, and a long white dress that matched the soft snow, she could have been an ice princess. Her veil was gently removed, revealing long, curly locks of her gorgeous dark brown hair. Still, she looked like an ice princess. Or even queen of the snow. She walked, or floated rather, elegantly over to her almost-husband. Grissom stood and took Sara's hands. No longer was she an ice princess. Her now glowing skin produced a heat that traveled through Grissom's hands right down to his toes. She may have looked like an ice princess before, but she now was queen of the beach. And Grissom liked that. He smiled. She smiled. The small audience made up of friends and family smiled. Never before had Grissom thought this could, much less would, happen. He heard the words that ran a spark through the freezing night. He followed the directions and kissed his bride. That produced an even bigger spark. The freezing snow around him felt like props. His body was heated from the warmth Sara held within her body.

All too soon, it was over. The audience had disappeared after many compliments and goodbyes. Now the newly weds were alone. Though they weren't the youngest couple, they weren't old, and it didn't matter because either way, they felt like teenagers. Only, married teenagers. The couple sat on the white bench, the red carpet had been rolled back up and taken away. Sara's dress was gone, but Grissom didn't care. He had seen through the dress, beneath her skin. That was why he was in love with her. They were both in jeans and warm jackets, but they didn't need warm clothes. The fire burning in their hearts was keeping them warm enough already.

Grissom reached toward Sara's face. He grabbed the sides of her face gently and pulled her closer. Sara didn't resist. She placed her soft, gentle hands on Grissom's sides and kissed him. They broke apart and smiled.

"I'm so glad you're back here," Grissom whispered.

"There's no other place I'd rather be," Sara stated. And it was true.

**Author's Note: Sorry about the extremely short chapter. I hope you liked it though. I haven't decided if I'm going to continue or not. As much as I'd love to, it's a bit hard to come up with anything else. I might stop it at this chapter and then write a new CSI story afterwards. I don't know. Tell me what you think :)**


	7. IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: My Decision

**Author's Note: Okay so I've read your many reviews, and I've made a decision. First of all, thank you very much for all the reviews and support. I did not receive a single bad review, and got many positive responses. Thank you so much all of you.**

**And here's my decision:**

**I'm going to call the story complete. But I'm going to make a sequel to it instead. I don't know what it's going to be called yet, but I have some ideas of what I'm going to do, so add me to your author alerts and watch for a new CSI story from me! Thanks again for your support. Stay tune! **


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